Mr. Queen
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Very Suspicious Supermarket
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Posts: 100
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Post by Mr. Queen on Jun 15, 2006 17:36:21 GMT -5
Remember that "What would you do if...?" thread? Like, what would you do if you found yourself in a room full of James Ullmans?
Well, this is like that, kind of.
You ask a "What would you do if...?" question. The next person answers the question, and then posts their own. The next person answers that question, and then posts their own, and so on.
I'll start with a nice easy one:
What would you do if you could control Mr. Jenkins' mind, like Prof. X in X-Men?
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Mr. Winnfield
Tuxedo Wagon Staff
English motherfucker, doest thou speak it?
Posts: 85
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Post by Mr. Winnfield on Jun 16, 2006 3:53:31 GMT -5
Well, I'd be riding my bike in the park, and he'd come up and say "hey, you can't ride your bike on the grass!". And I'd think, "oh no?". So I'd use my powers and all his clothes would fall off. And he'd be scrabbling to get his clothes on but even before he's got his pants back on, I've seen everything. Then I ride away... on the grass.
I just realized that makes no sense if you haven't seen Extras. Oh well.
What would you do if you could slow down time to the point that a second in normal time felt like a month to you?
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Mr. Queen
Tuxedo Wagon Staff
Very Suspicious Supermarket
Chav of the Month
Posts: 100
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Post by Mr. Queen on Jun 16, 2006 10:47:56 GMT -5
Not take any exams, that's for sure. ;D
But seriously, I'd stand in a city centre and paint lots of pictures, so all that people would see was a big blur with completed paintings materialising around it. Then, they'd say "hey what's that-" but before they could finish the sentence, all of their clothes would just fall off, and...
What would you do if you were on a bus and a man kept staring at you and licking his lips?
(Anyone who says "I'd say 'hello, Karl'" gets their account glared at angrily)
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Mr. Winnfield
Tuxedo Wagon Staff
English motherfucker, doest thou speak it?
Posts: 85
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Post by Mr. Winnfield on Jun 16, 2006 11:50:32 GMT -5
I'd put my arm around the nearest woman. That would send one of two messages: I'm either straight, and therefore not interested in whatever he has planned for those lips, or I'm even more of a nutter than he is, so he'd stay well clear.
What would you do if you had the power to teleport yourself from any location to any other location in a split second? Sort of similar to the other question, except time would still function completely normally, and once you'd got there, people could still see you in real time.
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Mr. Queen
Tuxedo Wagon Staff
Very Suspicious Supermarket
Chav of the Month
Posts: 100
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Post by Mr. Queen on Jun 16, 2006 12:21:04 GMT -5
I'd wait until somebody touched me (somebody in a shop pushed past me, etc), then I'd teleport to about 10ft above where I was standing, so that I'd fall back down. I'd then act really shocked and tell them to do it again. This time, I'd disappear and re-appear somewhere far away, so that they'd never see me again, and would have to live with the guilt forever.
What would you do if you could make inanimate objects talk?
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Mr. Winnfield
Tuxedo Wagon Staff
English motherfucker, doest thou speak it?
Posts: 85
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Post by Mr. Winnfield on Jun 17, 2006 10:02:19 GMT -5
Choir of trees. Blatantly. And every single one would sound like Brian Blessed.
What would you do if you won £40 million but had to spend it all in one fell swoop?
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Mr. Queen
Tuxedo Wagon Staff
Very Suspicious Supermarket
Chav of the Month
Posts: 100
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Post by Mr. Queen on Jun 17, 2006 16:55:00 GMT -5
I'd buy a whole town, just for myself, and not let anybody else in. I'd rename it something cool, like "Lightning Town", and elect myself mayor, council, local police force, local yobs, headmaster and teachers of the local school, pupils of the local school, etc.
What would you do if you could fly?
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Mr. Winnfield
Tuxedo Wagon Staff
English motherfucker, doest thou speak it?
Posts: 85
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Post by Mr. Winnfield on Jun 17, 2006 17:15:47 GMT -5
Go about my business - preferably get a very boring desk job, then as I'm on my way out one evening to the carpark, say to a colleague, "hey Mark, I'm gonna need that analysis changed by tomorrow man. I knew you said you'd - whoa, whoa WHOA!" then float upwards, seemingly for no apparent reason, and then suddenly get propelled at 90mph into the distance, never to be seen again.
What would you do if you could go back in time and change one thing about the past?
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Mr. Queen
Tuxedo Wagon Staff
Very Suspicious Supermarket
Chav of the Month
Posts: 100
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Post by Mr. Queen on Jun 17, 2006 17:28:44 GMT -5
I'd make Hitler apologise, like Jesus and the Roman in Family Guy:
Churchill: Don't invade Poland! Stop it!
Hitler: Aww...
Churchill: Okay?
Hitler: Oh-kay...
Churchill: Alright.
What would you do if you could control life like a computer (i.e. copy and paste houses, delete paving slabs, type all over bus shelters, etc)?
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Mr. Winnfield
Tuxedo Wagon Staff
English motherfucker, doest thou speak it?
Posts: 85
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Post by Mr. Winnfield on Jun 17, 2006 17:58:13 GMT -5
I would hate that, as every morning I would get 900 letters all along the lines of "MY FATHER WAS MURDERED SULTAN, I TRUST YOU [name here]", "V!@gra AND OTHER PILS £100000 GIVEAWAY", "MAKE PENIS SO BIG YOUR GIRLFRIEND WILL BE SOMEWHAT CAUTIOUS OF YOU" (that last one turned up in my inbox two months ago and I haven't had the heart to delete it - I've made a special Gmail tag for all hilariously-titled spam). Although if real-life spam could be filtered, I would take the greatest pleasure in copy and pasting Brian Blessed 5,000 times.
What would you do if you had to pick one outfit to wear for the rest of your life (some would say I've done that already, but there you go)? You could wash it, and replace items of clothing as they became old and tattered, but it would have to be the same outfit regardless.
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Mr. Queen
Tuxedo Wagon Staff
Very Suspicious Supermarket
Chav of the Month
Posts: 100
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Post by Mr. Queen on Jun 17, 2006 18:04:25 GMT -5
I would probably go with a t-shirt and a pair of 3/4 shorts. That way, I'm never too hot, and I don't often get cold. I know it's boring, but it's sort of all-purpose.
What would you do if you could be anybody for a whole day?
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Mr. Winnfield
Tuxedo Wagon Staff
English motherfucker, doest thou speak it?
Posts: 85
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Post by Mr. Winnfield on Jun 17, 2006 18:47:58 GMT -5
I'd be Brian Blessed. Or Superman.
Ha ha. Only kidding. Why would I just want to be Superman when I could essentially be a Superman with the world's loudest voice?
What would you do if you could make things explode by just looking at them?
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Mr. Queen
Tuxedo Wagon Staff
Very Suspicious Supermarket
Chav of the Month
Posts: 100
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Post by Mr. Queen on Jun 18, 2006 13:17:51 GMT -5
Take a look around Barry Comprehensive School.  What would you do if your son was at home, crying alone on the bedroom floor 'cos he's hungry, and the only way to feed him was to sleep with a man for a little bit of money? |
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Mr. Winnfield
Tuxedo Wagon Staff
English motherfucker, doest thou speak it?
Posts: 85
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Post by Mr. Winnfield on Jun 19, 2006 3:57:29 GMT -5
First thing I'd do is write a song about whatever it is I call life. Then get a rapper on the case to make sure it was tasteful.
What would you do if you could spit gold? (notice I said "spit")
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Mr. Queen
Tuxedo Wagon Staff
Very Suspicious Supermarket
Chav of the Month
Posts: 100
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Post by Mr. Queen on Jun 19, 2006 10:21:57 GMT -5
Spit on cars from bridges. They'd be angry at first that I broke their windshield, but when they realise that I've dropped a fat lump of solid gold into their car, they won't care. I'd also get intae a fight with somebody. When they punch me in the face, I'll jerk back and spit a lump of gold onto the floor. "My gold tooth!" I'd shout, and I'd make the doss cunt pay fae a new one, just ootay spite. If you could only say one sentence for the rest of your life, what would it be? (My money's on "ecumenical matters".  ) |
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